Since that as being the start, I have made some progress. Through a friend's connection, I have a house to stay at in the Hollywood Hills until I can get my apartment back. I just got a job through another friend at a nightclub that should earn me enough money to live comfortably on. I decided to go back to school, and start a program at the end of this month. I have things to look forward to that are going to keep me very busy. This is key.
I return to LA tomorrow. I am looking at it as the beginning point of a new phase in my life. This phase is going to be about me, and doing what I need to do to find happiness within myself. Once I attain that, I may be ready to be with another again. As scary as it is to go back to LA completely alone, I know that once I have things I am proud of that are my own, I will feel the most accomplished I have ever felt.
Dating is the farthest thing away in my mind right now. My heart is still pretty broken and I continue to think about my ex daily. It will be two weeks on Tuesday since our last communication, in which she briefly said she would reply to an email I sent in full at her earliest convenience. It sounded very genuine, so I can only assume she is going through her own stuff right now. Even if she doesn't write back, I am glad I still said what I needed to and it moved her enough to respond even briefly. I am trying not to focus on her.
I have heard a little more possibly confirming the rumors once again. My ex and "F" were apparently seen kissing. It honestly doesn't bother me as much as it initially did. If nothing else, I have maybe learned things about my partner that make this break up easier. If she can really go ahead with a new relationship now and does not have the courage to tell me or the honesty that compels her to, why would I want to be with her anyway? I remind myself again that rumors are not to be taken as truth. Maybe one day my ex will feel she can talk to me about the real story. Of course I still miss her for who she was to me and I do believe the love we had was a good one. I think she needs to figure herself out as much as I need to do my own thing. Whatever will be will be. I am looking forward to things for me now. Tomorrow, everything starts anew.
First of all, hello and thank you! I've been reading your blog for the last couple of days, and it is refreshing for me to read that someone, somewhere is going though the same pain and heart ache as myself. Although my story is somewhat different (I was the dumper not the dumpee) it is still very hard to come to terms of not having this big chuck of my life no longer there.
ReplyDeleteSince the break up, I have also been forced to leave my home, my job and my cat :( But when things arnt working things just arnt working. I still do love this girl very much and after spending pretty much every day with her for almost the last three years its hard waking up not next to her. I am also back with my parents until I get back on to my feet and establish myself again. At the moment I find it hard not to call her and see how her day was, but its been about 3 days now since we last made contact. Which as well was for financial matters, we also opened a joint savings account together, thus making things a little bit more messy. Your story gives me hope, and I thank you for being so open with us, with everyone. : )
-J (from all the way in Australia!)
J,
ReplyDeleteHello to you! It has continued to amaze me how many people have contacted me to share that they are going through the same thing out in the world somewhere. I am happy to provide a forum where we can all discuss it a bit.
I am sure that even though you were the dumper in your situation, it isn't much easier. I am sure my ex is going through a lot as well, even if she has moved on or whatever. Emotions are human and after that much time being with someone, of course it is hard to leave them. Hopefully your break up wasn't too messy.
So do you have a plan on what's next for you? Have you and your ex decided not to have contact for awhile? I feel for you so much regarding the financial stuff - it is the worst thing to have to discuss when you are no longer with someone, I hate it. Hang in there and feel free to share your full story if you want.
Btw, G'day! - I have spent some time in Australia and love it there, so much. Whereabouts are you from? I hope to go again someday. Definitely one of my favorite places to visit, very cool you live there. :)
Dr. Lez B.
Well I am not sure where to start. I was divorced abot 17 years ago. My husband had an affair and we ended our marriage after he confessed and wanted to build a life with this new person. I never thought of myself as a lesbian, but I became intimately involved with my bestfriend about 15 years ago. She helped me alot thru my divorce and we shared so much. The next thing I knew I felt myself falling in love with her and she with me. We own a business together and our lives are so entwined this breakup has been extremley difficult on me and I am sure her also. I believe it has been harder for me because she has someone and it seems working with her and all it is always in my face. She was having an affair with another girl who was married...since got divorced and they are together now. It's been 1 1/2yrs since she finally fessed up that my suspicisions all along were right. She lied to me for well over a year. This has been the most difficult journey I have ever been on. I still have to see her daily. I refuse to accept the new person in her life so I am no longer a part of the group. I was like a sister to her sisters and a second Mom to her kids. I am so sad, feel so betrayed my best friend. Guess I am so hurt to think the person whom I thought was my bestfriend would do this. I so need to forgive her so it doesn't destroy me but I am so hurt, angry, my whole world has changed. I am so depressed and one would think hey lady get on with it it's been 1 1/2yrs. The hard part for me is I have noone to confide in...my family doesn't know or my friends of our relationship. We live about a two mile radius between my house, her house and her new friend. Just looking for a place to vent and any advice would certainly be welcomed.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous -
ReplyDeleteWow. Breaking up after 15 years is unfathomable to me. My longest relationship thus far has been 4! The fact that your love also began as your best friend is an added snag. In most lesbian relationships we become best friends with our partner, but to begin that way already - I have no doubt that you still have pain from this a year and a half later. Do you have plans to stay in business with her? And I am curious - what made her finally fess up to you? I want my ex to be honest with me and feel in my gut I already know what she will say, but I don't know how to coax it out of her. At least you know now what went on. You deserve better than to be with someone that would lie and do that in the first place.
I don't blame you at all for not accepting the new person in her life. Were you friends with this individual too? You have every right to feel all of the emotions you mentioned, it seems you were put through a lot. How did she break up with you anyway? Do you have any lesbian friends where you are at all? You are more than welcome to vent all you want here. I am all ears and very interested in the other stories out there. Seems like a lot of people had it worse than I did. Hang in there lady!
Dr. Lez B.
Thanks for your kind words. I actually almost caught them together physically and it was very obvious to me that I had shown up at an awkard time. I pleaded and begged with her to please tell me what the heck was going on and she did. It took two years for her to tell me. In those twoo years leading up to the fess up our relationship was pretty well destroyed as I knew in my heart and she would not tell me, so I became very bitter. Yes I was friends with other person involved. I do have a few lesibian friends. I don't see any way out of the business with the economy etc...I only have about 10 more years to work then I will be done. I feel as if i just suck at relationships. I am trying so hard to forgive her because I know it forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Thanks for letting me vent!
ReplyDeleteI am 26 year old lesbian, i was in a relationship with my girlfriend right from high school, indeed i never regretted each moment i spend with her and it came a time she wanted to end the relationship and move on with this new guy she met, i felt so confused, i love her so much and had to pleed with her to come back to me but all effort to get her back did not work out. I wanted her back at all cost and had to seek for the help of a spell caster but the first one i met did not work,i wasted so much time believing him and at the end nothing work but yelt i did no give up as i had to try another one whos name is Priest Ajigar and he was the one that finally brought her back to me in just 4 days after the spell was done, i am a very happy person today as i love lesbianism life and i never could live without her. I would advice if you need a powerful spell caster either to get your boyfriend or girlfriend back, get your husband back, get a new partner? You don't have to look further for other spell casters, explain your problem by sending email to priest Ajigar (priestajigarspells@live.com)
ReplyDeleteI am 26 year old lesbian, i have been in a relationship with my girlfriend right from high school, indeed i never regretted each moment i spend with her and it came a time she wanted to end the relationship and move on with this new guy she met, i felt so confused, i love her so much and had to plead with her to come back to me but all effort to get her back did not work out. I wanted her back at all cost and had to seek for the help of a spell caster but the first one i met did not work,i wasted so much time believing him and at the end nothing work but yet i did no give up as i had to try another one whose name is Berit and she was the one that finally brought her back to me in just 4 days after the spell was done, i am a very happy person today as i love lesbianism life and i never could live without her. I would advice if you need a powerful spell caster either to get your boyfriend or girlfriend back, get your husband back, get a new partner? You don't have to look further for other spell casters, explain your problem by sending email to Berit Magical Temple (beritmagicaltemple@gmail.com)
ReplyDeletelove back specialist
ReplyDeleteAm writing this article to thank Doctor Ehimen for the wondrous miracle that he did for me because he helped me recently to bring back my lovely husband that left me for his EX girlfriend for no reason for 4 years. Am Renea Holman From Belgium. After enough searching and surfing on the internet, I came across a post made by Valeria Diego from Mexico referring of how she was helped by Doctor Ehimen the spell caster. I also decided to contact the spell caster called Doctor Ehimen for help because i was desperate and i needed to get back my lovely Husband and happiness. I followed all his instructions and he promised and guaranteed me that my husband will get back to me within 12 to 16 hours after he has finished with the preparation of the spell. I hid to his words and am happy and i can proudly say today that i have my husband back with the help of Doctor Ehimen. Viewers reading my post that needs help can get in touch with him via Email: Doctorehimenspelltemple@hotmail.com, Doctorehimenspelltemple@gmail.com OR Website: http://www.doctorokpamenspells.com
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