Open Letter To My Ex

My Dear Baby,

I write you here because I have no other way to tell you what I am thinking and feeling; we are still not in touch per your request. I know you will never read this, but I am putting it out into the universe with the intention that maybe you will at least feel the meaning of it within yourself at some point.

I would like to begin by saying that I am sorry. I have let my emotions run higher than I have been able to control, and the results have been damaging. I have been fighting a conflict within myself between believing who I know you to be and believing other people who are judging and speculating on your life and actions. This has caused me to do some of the same, and I am out on the other side of it feeling ugly and empty. I didn't mean to lose faith in you and your decisions, whatever they may be. I know you are making them for a reason.

I believe in you. I want you to do whatever you feel you need to do to achieve happiness in life. Only you can decide what is best for yourself and your soul. You have my blessing to do it; not because you have asked for it or need it, but because I want to offer it to you. Be free, be happy. You know you are special and are meant for great things. I want you to fly to heights even you haven't imagined yet. You have helped me believe in myself and for that I owe you more than I can give. You were able to see things in me that I always wanted to think existed, and have given me the push I needed to make my dreams a reality.

I miss you. I don't think that will change for a really long time, if ever. I have stopped crying at every little thing that reminds me of you though, which is good. I now pass by certain places or hear certain songs and think of you fondly. I have made a conscious effort not to lose music through our break up, as music was such a huge part of our time together and so many songs could have been lost. When I hear one now I turn it up and feel it; I remember you being with me a particular time we have heard it or that you have sung it. It gets easier every time. I reminisce of our good times and feel fortunate they existed in the first place. I take comfort in knowing I have so many good memories with you that have no chance of being forgotten any time soon. I know you miss me too. I can feel it from here.

I don't know if I will ever see you again. That is a possibility of course. You are half a world away and I know there is the chance you will never come back to the states again. I know you would like to but everything will depend on where your work will take you. I hope it takes you far, as you have strived so long for success; I want the dream that everyone has believed in for so long to become real for you. You deserve it. If I don't get the pleasure to see you again, I hope you at least would like to keep in touch with me in the future. I miss talking to my best friend. I have made progress in my life that I would enjoy sharing with you. I would like to hear about yours as well.

I love you. I know you love me back too. This is a hard situation we have gotten ourselves into, and the story line and climax remain unclear. Despite the distance and outside noise, I can still feel the love within me. I protect it in its special place and keep it there. No matter what, nobody can take that away.

Please take care of yourself as I am not there to protect you. I hope with every passing day that you are doing well and being strong. Stay true to yourself and everything else will fall into place.

From My Heart,

Me