Hating Facebook

Now I understand that pain is inevitable and suffering is optional and all that. I realize that we have choices, and that looking at social networking sites is not necessarily a healthy choice when you have been broken up with. Normally, I would not care, but since I have been given some undesirable information regarding my ex's recent activities with "F", I gave into temptation and played detective a little bit. I will start by saying that I didn't like what I saw.

My ex was smart enough not to post a thing, and I give her credit for that. No updates, no new pictures, no comments on other people's pages. This seemed to coincide well enough with how I thought she should be - taking time for herself, missing me, and keeping busy with her life. "F" however, was a completely different story. Beginning the day after I left, she began posting things such as "you just know...", "thinking, thinking, thinking", and "there are really great things happening in my life right now". Almost all of the updates were followed with smiley faces. It was annoying. Now I am not saying these are obvious admissions of a dirty love affair, but I think anyone can read between the lines here if they have the information I do regarding this girl's intentions.

I had decided, despite being very tempted and unafraid of confrontation, to act as if I had no information that my ex may have something going on with "F". This meant I wouldn't confront either of them. I chose this for two reasons. One is that there is always the possibility that there is nothing going on for sure. Yes, I know that a few people believe there is something going on. Yes, it is obvious that "F" wants there to be, and I know they hang out all the time, but I can not really know if they have any kind of intimate relationship. The last time I talked to my ex before it was pronounced that we would not be speaking anymore, she told me she still loved me, was not over me, and felt guilty about what she had put me through. Once again, I wanted to believe her because she had always been honest with me. And if there is nothing going on, I didn't want to accuse her and break that trust we have. I didn't want to be the paranoid ex on the other side of the world. I didn't want to ruin a chance of getting back with her over rumors and my own insecurities.

The other reason I chose not to confront them is because I did not want to get my sources in trouble. They respected me enough to keep me in the loop, and since they were mutual friends of my ex and "F" as well, I didn't want lesbian drama resulting from that. Plus, I didn't mind getting the occasional tidbit. Yes, I know it will make it hard for me. But if there is in fact something going on there, I may as well be aware of it so I do not have to feel like a fool down the line when they finally confess to it. I am done with surprises for the time being. Knowing information gives me a small amount of power, not over the situation, but how I can react to it. I don't want their pity, and I am done feeling sorry for myself. If the rumors turn out to be true, when and if they find the courage to tell me, I will already have known and they can feel like asses because of that.

So they don't know that I know. This becomes interesting because "F" has taken it upon herself to chat to me on Facebook, on a couple different occasions, asking me how I am doing. Oh, the audacity. I find it arrogant, insulting, manipulative, and overall just really mean to inquire about my well-being under the assumption of my supposed ignorance to their situation. What a bitch, its unreal. What does she have to gain by keeping in touch with me? Is she trying to find out information about me for my ex? I doubt my ex would request information, but "F" is the kind of girl that would love to have some to give. I kept my responses to her questions very general and lighthearted. I asked her about her job, and the weather, and stupid shit like that. Then she would abruptly have to go to a meeting or something. I would thank her for reaching out to me. I would curse her under my breath. I try to tell myself that my ex will eventually have to see the kind of person "F" is. I found a quote that says, "When the infatuation wears off, you see people for who they really are". I know my ex is deep, and kind, and caring. I have to believe that she may have to find some things out the hard way. I sure have.