I Get By With a Little Help (from an ex)

One day at a time, still bummed, trying to shake it off.

I ended up having an online chat with an ex of mine the other night. I dated her about seven years ago now. We were only together for about a year, and had gone to college together. I am the only woman she has ever dated. We have remained friends over the years, which is something I am happy about; we were friends before the fact and afterwards we just kind of made it work. She has always made it very clear that she always has time for me if I need to talk about something, and I know she genuinely cares about my well-being.

So we were discussing my situation and my frustrations. The rumors have clearly been making me nuts on top of my broken heart. She gave me advice and heard me out. She told me to stay positive and work on me and all that. I asked her if she had ever gone through a similar situation and was taken aback by her answer. She mentioned that the only time she has ever had her heart broken was by me; before that it was always on her terms, and after she didn't date anyone for three years before meeting the great guy she is with now.

I didn't really know what to say to that statement so I skirted around it and brought the conversation back to where I was comfortable. I know she wasn't looking for me to say anything about it; she just voiced a fact. I have been thinking about it since though. Because I have been so consumed with my own feelings of hurt and rejection, I never stopped to consider how I may have caused those feelings in others. Especially in this case as the one woman she dated seriously and was committed to, I must have thrown her world for a bit of a loop too when I left her. The crazy thing is, I didn't even remember that I was the one that had broken it off with her. We had been living a state apart as she had graduated before me, and couldn't see each other as much as when we were both still in school obviously. I remember now that I had met someone local and had decided that the distance wasn't working for me. (We have seen since that I have been able to deal with much greater distances.) I had gone up to see her in person and had told her the honest truth about both of those facts. I had forgotten or blocked out her pain.

I guess the whole point here in bringing this up is to help myself remember that I have been on the other side of this current situation. I had broken relationships off for reasons of my own and have tried not to look back. Now I see that looking back is helpful in understanding what my current ex is possibly going through. I have been in that role. I remember it isn't easy, but I also remember having convictions that made my decisions right at the time. Despite those decisions, I still have friends in many of my exes, even if it took some time after the initial hurt to solidify those friendships again. If nothing else, this whole experience is teaching me things about myself not only that I have to learn, but that I should remember.