Prelude to Getting Together with My Ex

The relationship with my ex lasted about a year and two months. I know in reality that isn't a very long time. This one seemed different from all of my others though. She had agreed it was the same for her as well. It was a very passionate relationship, with an incredible connection that still exists in some degree today. Yes, we moved a bit fast with everything, but it felt so undeniably right that neither of us cared. We faced numerous blockades that should have prevented us from getting together in the first place. It all eventually worked itself out and we were blissfully in love. Before I get too detailed about us, let me describe where I was before we got together.

In November of 2007, I had my heart broken hard for the first time. I had been with a girl for 4 years and had planned to be with her forever. We had moved from the east coast the the west coast together and had planned to start a new life there. It is rough of course to relocate somewhere without a job or apartment or anything. I had one friend that I knew in LA that let us crash at her house for a week until we found a place of our own. We found a place and did the best we could to coexist for two and a half years in LA together, but our relationship had been less than perfect for awhile and we knew it. I tend to be optimistic though and thought that things would get better eventually. I worked at a lesbian bar and helped make us a nice little group of friends. Eventually my girlfriend at the time ended up falling for a coworker's girlfriend and she left me for her. They are still together to this day, but I am fine with that now. At the time though, I was devastated. All of my past relationships had been ended on my terms. I tried to function but was very lonely. By December of 2007, I had gotten hit on by a confident girl who was 8 years my junior. The attention was great, and since I hadn't had much sex in the last two years of my long term relationship, the sudden influx was welcomed and indulged in. My new little fling was very into me and I liked that.

As the weeks and then months passed however, I realized that this younger girl was intent on making me her girlfriend and loved me very much. I had stated from the beginning that I was pretty much emotionally unavailable, but she was persistent, and I was horny. I got used to having her around. She loved coming to my apartment and doing nice things for me because she still lived with her parents and needed the escape. After much badgering from her, I began to refer to her as my girlfriend to my friends, who of course thought I was crazy, but understood my position. For a while there I even thought I might love her. By the middle of the summer of 2008 however, I became more and more aware that my situation was not healthy and I had never taken the time to get over my ex. I was terrified of being alone though.

A girl my age came into the bar I worked at one day and showed some interest in me. She had a stable job and an apartment of her own, and these became enticing and made more sense for me to want than my young, needy fling. It had been a rebound that had lasted 8 months way too long I decided. So I told my young one that I could no longer be with her, and I took up with the new girl. "New girl" was pretty new in every way though. She had only been with one other woman and was not very experienced. As much as I liked her as a person, I was not as attracted to her as I originally thought. She and I had decided that it could be a casual hookup thing because I didn't want a relationship at the moment anyway. We dated for a few weeks and hung out a lot. It was through her that I met my ex. This is where things get interesting.

So "New girl" had been telling me about her best friend, who was in a band. She really wanted me to meet her and for her to meet me, I am sure for the purpose of getting approval. Now let me just say that if you know anything about LA, you know that just about every person in the city is in a band or has a friend in a band (or actor, whatever), so I wasn't really expecting much. Musicians are cool though, I have quite a few that I can call friends. Anyway, so "New girl" and I make plans to meet at a bar one night, where I am to meet her and her best friend. I walk in and see them at a table. I can actually remember having the horrible thought "Wow, it's too bad that I am hooking up with "New girl", because her friend is really hot". I got a drink and joined them. The connection was instantaneous. I immediately liked her friend as a person. She had a very outgoing personality, and I was able to play off of it without a problem. We talked about everything, and had to remember to ask "New girl" her opinion every now and then because the two of us dominated the conversation so much. I had a great night with them.

"New girl" had mentioned to me that her friend had a long term girlfriend of about 5 years. That was a disappointment but also a relief, because it has never been in my character to go after a girl with a girlfriend. Every time I made plans to hang out with "New girl" after that first night, I had hoped her friend would be there too. A lot of times she was, and we enjoyed each other's company more and more. There was even a night when "New girl" told her friend to meet me at a bar for an hour before she would be able to get there. We enjoyed that hour very much, and I was just about to reveal that I had hoped "New girl" knew that I was only interested in a casual hookup and not a relationship, when "New girl" walked up and ruined that plan. A short time after that, I went to with "New girl" to see her friend's band. I was blown away. Her friend was not only the lead singer, but also played guitar. Now I didn't really care what she did for a living, but after seeing her stage presence and all that at the show, it made the attraction even more intense. Her band had a decent following too, and the music was great. I learned the band was signed to a major label. It was around the middle of August 2008 at this point.

Somehow I allowed myself to be persuaded by my young fling of earlier to give it another try with her around this time. Once again, I let a need for sex persuade my better judgement. I went back to my young fling and told "New girl" that was the case. Of course "New girl" thought I was a douchebag for this, and looking back, yes, I was. But I must remind you that I still had never taken the time to properly process anything and so of course was acting a bit erratic and irresponsibly. I saw no more of "New girl" and her friend for a couple of weeks. I eventually came to my senses and broke it off completely with my young fling, and also decided I wanted and needed to be single.

During September of 2008, a couple of my best friends were also newly single at the time, and we lived it up like good friends do in that kind of situation. We laughed a lot, we went out a lot. I had occasional hookups and my first real one night stand. I felt really free for the first time in forever and had a lot of fun. I moved around the furniture in my apartment. I tried to look at life with a new clear view. I got a random email from the best friend of "New girl", saying that although "New girl" and I were no longer hooking up, it didn't mean that she and I couldn't be friends. That was cool of her. At the end of the month, I regressed a little and got hit by a wave of loneliness. The time of year was approaching that I got dumped the year before and it depressed me. I called my mom one day crying. She suggested I come home back east for the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I hadn't been home for Thanksgiving since I moved to LA, and I knew the familiarity of being back there would be good for me. I agreed and booked the trip. A short while later I got a text from the best friend of "New girl" letting me know that her five year relationship had ended and she was staying on "New girl's" couch.